


a totally unselfish act of kindness

by TheUniverseIsRarelySoLazy



Series: The Bookshop-verse [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Acts of Kindness, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, M/M, Multi, actual snake sex, if that isn’t you thing you should not read this, of the snake variety, playfighting, skin shedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 09:21:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUniverseIsRarelySoLazy/pseuds/TheUniverseIsRarelySoLazy
Summary: Hazel stumbles on Aziraphale and Crowley while the angel helps the demon with his snake skin. Snake sex shenanigans ensue.





	a totally unselfish act of kindness

It’s an almost unbearably hot day in the city of London. The temperatures have risen to well over 35 degrees, but it feels hotter still. There is no wind in the streets, the asphalt ground seems to be glowing from the inside out and every passing car makes it worse. It’s positively sweltering. Hazel stumbles along, sweaty like everyone else, feeling no less icky for the shared experience. As she walks by a store the doors open and a cool breeze floats out for a moment, but it’s only temporary. There’s only one place in the city that beats the heat. (Well, two, if you count those delightful catacombs she has explored last year.)

The bookshop is closed, but the door opens for her anyway. It would be locked for everyone else, and still the handle turns and locks again behind her. Hazel smiles at the sign with the opening times, and that warm, fuzzy feeling she has every time she enters the shop settles over her. The air is just perfect in here. She breathes a sigh of relief and just stands there for a minute, cooling down, enjoying the calm atmosphere, the gentle light, the unique smell. The shop has become her home too, over the last month. Aziraphale has already asked her to move in, and she’s seriously considering it.

Right now, no one is in the shop, which isn’t unusual. By now she’s allowed to go anywhere in the building, so she makes her way to the back, where some narrow stairs are hidden behind an unassuming door. The floors above the shop also belong to Aziraphale, who uses them more as storage than for anything else. It’s a museum of artifacts collected over millennia, in which Hazel regularly gets lost in. There’s little that’s better in this world than sitting in her angel’s arms while he talks animatedly about where he got certain items and why they’re so important to him. (Admittedly it’s better when Crowley chimes in and they have one of their play-fights, bickering like the old couple they are.)

There’s noise from upstairs, Hazel realises as she proceeds deeper into the building. From the very top, where the bedroom is under the roof. Curious. The door is slightly ajar when she reaches it, and a flowery scent drifts out.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale huffs, exasperated but fond and Hazel hears an answering, loud hiss. “Would you hold still?”

“Sssssstop being so rough, then I’ll ssssssstop moving!” Crowley replies, and his voice sounds different somehow. Breathy, dark.

“I’m doing you a favour here!”

There’s only hissing in response.

Hazel steps to the door and opens it further. The picture that presents itself would’ve been terrifying, if she wasn’t somehow frighteningly used to unusual things by now. Firstly, the most shocking thing in the room is Aziraphale himself, as he's dressed merely in a white t-shirt and dark blue pants. Even though the air in here is temperate, he’s sweating, skin glistening, hair askew. He’s straddling the body of an unusually large, dark red snake, which is partly curled up around him. Hazel blinks. Then she realises that there’s a heap of white-ish material around them, which shines in the light, reflecting like iridescent scales. It’s snakeskin! And the snake…

“Crowley?” she asks, cautiously.

From behind Aziraphale a head emerges, yellow eyes staring at her unblinkingly, tongue darting out to taste the air.

“Hello, my dear. We didn’t expect you back so early,” Aziraphale says, chipper as always.

“He… Crowley is…”

“Oh, dear. Of course. You haven’t seen him like this yet. Crowley is, well, his original form as a demon is a snake. Not always this large, mind you. He can be rather small, if he wants to. It’s just… easier for the process.”

“I need to ssssssssshed,” Crowley hisses.

Hazel walks into the room and steps carefully over the moving tail. She openly admires the way the sunlight sparkles on the red scales, how the floor seems to be filled up with writhing snake muscles.

“I made the mistake of offering to help him with this some time in the past, and now I always have to do it,” Aziraphale sighs.

“It takessssss forever alone. Your handsssss are magic.”

“Thank you, dear.”

Hazel holds out her own hand, looks questioningly at Crowley, who gives her a nod. Her fingers touch the skin that is somehow hot and smooth and… oily?

“I thought snakeskin was supposed to be dry.”

“Too dry,” Crowley mumbles.

“That’s what he needs me for. Massage oil into his poor, new, defenseless skin,” Aziraphale quips. “And of course pull off the old bits.”

“Don’t pretend that you don’t like doing thisssss…” Crowley replies.

“I love to take care of you, darling. You know that.”

Crowley preens visually, rubbing his head against Aziraphale’s, who laughs and kisses the snake’s nose. 

“Can I help?” Hazel asks. “If I may…”

“Of course. If you like,” Aziraphale says with a smile. He holds out his hands and Hazel joins them with hers. Her palms turn as oily as his, the flowery scent that she has noticed earlier now much stronger. When she comments on it, the angel laughs.

“He likes flowers. Remind him of the garden.”

Crowley’s head disappears under the coils of his body like he’s embarrassed.

“The garden?”

“Eden, my dear,” Aziraphale explains. “Where we met.”

This still feels too fantastic to actually be true, despite everything else that is happening, so Hazel just shakes her head slightly. Aziraphale smiles understandingly and waves her over to sit with him. After a slight hesitation she straddles the warm snake body, facing the angel. The muscles feel strange but somehow comfortable under her, as they are flexing under her bare legs. Warm and inviting, and at the same time menacing in their strength. Aziraphale takes her hands again and puts them on the scaly skin, covered by his own. Then he leans forward to catch her lips in a gentle kiss.

“It’s nice to share this,” he murmurs against her mouth.

“Then sssssshare,” Crowley rumbles and Hazel feels his voice running through her body, through the muscles underneath her, with a pleasant shiver. His head comes up behind her and his tongue darts out, flicking along her neck. It’s somewhere between tickling and alarmingly arousing. But then again, simply seeing Aziraphale in any state of partial undress already has that effect on her, so what could Crowley do more? (The answer, apparently, is a lot.)

“Are you alright?” Aziraphale asks as he smoothes the goosebumps on her arms.

“Yes,” Hazel replies. “Thank you for asking.”

“Of course,” the angel beams, and it’s through the sincerity in his eyes that she knows that she will always be alright, that he’s here to catch her, keep her safe. That he would even stop Crowley, no matter what it is he is—what they are all three—doing. This time Hazel leans in and kisses him, projecting her love freely, and he sighs contently, just as he does after taking a particularly satisfying bite of a piece of cake. She feels Crowley’s laughter as a rumbling.

“You are, as always, delicious, my dear,” Aziraphale says and drags his tongue across Hazel’s lips. “But for now we have work to do.”

They part with a smile. He proceeds to show her exactly how to rub the long body so that the oil can soak into it through the miniscule gaps in the scales, and soon she follows him down Crowley’s body, as he carefully peels back the extra skin. Hazel is fascinated by the way it slides off smoothly, watches Aziraphale mutter lovingly when it doesn’t and how he carefully removes every little piece, strokes the body underneath him with gentle reverence.

Then, however, Crowley’s body contorts just a bit, pressing upwards in a wave and Aziraphale lets out a moan that is unmistakably turned on, his eyes closing briefly, hands tensing on the smooth skin. His pants leave nothing to the imagination.

Hazel swallows.

“Do you… did you… well…”

“Yessssss…” Crowley hisses, wraps his long body partially around Aziraphale’s, squeezing lightly and the angel gasps helplessly.

“With… the snake…?”

“He can be very persuasive,” Aziraphale says.

“It takessssss two.”

“I suppose you’re right, dear boy.”

Aziraphale rubs his face against Crowley’s, where they meet. It isn’t much of a stretch to imagine it, already presented with a visual like this, Hazel thinks. She’s seen Aziraphale losing his mind under Crowley several times already, and to see the same thing while he’s being enveloped by the snake? Suddenly she wants nothing more urgently.

“Let me finish this first,” Aziraphale murmurs. “Then we’ll see.”

“Hurry up,” Crowley rumbles.

“Does it usually end like this?” Hazel asks.

“There’s no need to deny it,” the angel shrugs. He moves down the rest of Crowley’s more slender tail and pulls off the last of the skin. With a wave of his hand the remnants all disappear.

“Why don’t you miracle it all away in the first place?”

“And deny myself this experience?” Aziraphale laughs. “I think not. He sheds his skin seldom enough.”

“I’m not a regular ssssssnake. I don’t grow. It only sheds after I’ve used it too much. These dayssssss I prefer my human body. But sssssometimesssss…”

Crowley starts moving around the room in circles, slithering out of their grasp to curl himself up neatly next to them, a content ball of snake that eyes them expectantly once he’s settled in.

“I admit I don’t know much about snake anatomy…” Hazel says. “How would it… even work?”

“He ridesssss me while I fuck him,” Crowley hisses. “He likes me to hold him so closssssse he can barely breathe. Not that he needssss to, but the human body still feelssss constricted. Panicked.”

Aziraphale blushes in the deepest crimson and he turns his head away. He’s never especially embarrassed, but Crowley likes to tease him anyway, and Hazel actually approves of this behaviour very much. A flustered Aziraphale is a sight to behold. The angel reaches down and squeezes himself, moaning lowly, eyes briefly closed. Then he looks back at Hazel. His eyes are shining. He’s eager. It’s such a good look on him.

“Would you like to see?”

“Oh yes.”

Crowley loses no time. He winds himself forward and around the angel. Aziraphale’s clothes disappear at some point as he writhes in Crowley’s grip, the long body sneaking between his legs, as he spreads them invitingly.

“It’s so nice to have you watch, Hazel,” Aziraphale whispers as a long, slender tongue licks the sweat off his neck. “Crowley is such a glutton for showing off.”

“Tell me you don’t love it, I dare you,” Crowley murmurs as his body neatly wraps around Aziraphale’s neck.

“I—” Aziraphale starts, but then Crowley squeezes and all air is cut off. He can barely release a strangled whimper. Hazel swallows. Aziraphale’s legs are spread where he’s straddling the snake body, his cock jumping, hard and red. She swears she can hear Crowley chuckle.

“Finally,” Crowley says.

His body turns and contorts under the angel, turning up his belly, which is just a bit lighter than the back, though not by much. He releases Aziraphale’s arms enough for him to reach forward, bypassing his own erection to stroke the snake’s belly. His fingers find a slit in the skin, movements expertly done even without looking, as if he’s done them time and time before, and maybe he has. Hazel gasps as the slit widens and not one… but two cocks jump out. They’re not especially long, nestled together and of an angry red colour.

Crowley unceremoniously lifts Aziraphale up, the other barely reacting beyond heavy breaths. His eyes are closed, his body slack. He’s given himself over to Crowley completely. It almost looks like he’s being forced, but Hazel knows better. She knows by now that Crowley wouldn’t hurt a hair on his angel’s head. This is all consensual, and that much hotter for it.

“If you would be so kind to assissssssst me,” Crowley hisses and Hazel blinks for a moment before she realises what he means.

She crawls forward until she reaches the long body again, and in a moment of daring straddles it once more. The skin is hot underneath her now, oily and slippery. It doesn’t half take her by surprise as her clothes vanish, as this has mysteriously happened so many times in recently, but it does make her feel a bit frightened, being naked in the vicinity of such a large predator. But then the body between her legs moves and she moans as it rubs against her in just the right way. Hazel hears Aziraphale chuckle, but only for a moment before Crowley squeezes once more.

Cautiously she reaches out and touches the cocks, wraps her hands around them. They feel surprisingly normal, though incredibly hot. She strokes them experimentally and a very human moan escapes Crowley’s mouth, a sound that a snake should never be able to make.

“Yesss….” he encourages her. “More!”

He gently lowers Aziraphale’s body just right and Hazel holds both cocks in place. The one farther away from her slips into the angel’s body easily, the other one glides up along his own, straining erection. Aziraphale is panting, groaning, but finally he’s seated. He seems to want to catch a breath, but Hazel reaches out again, taking both his and Crowley’s exposed cock into hand and starts stroking them both together.

“Fuck!” Aziraphale shouts and throws his head back.

The coils around him contract as Crowley’s whole body tenses. Hazel can feel him shivering underneath her, feels the vibrations of his movement as he starts undulating, pushing himself upwards into the angel and into her hand. Aziraphale opens his eyes, just briefly, staring into Hazel’s. His are full of tears, a watery blue. He looks like he’s in pain, but then he mouths more.

Hazel swallows and makes a decision. She leans forward, taking him in her mouth, letting Crowley push him upwards into it again and again. Aziraphale’s howls. He’s manhandled between both bodies, unable to move on his own, unable to properly breathe. Everything is over much quicker than Hazel expects, Aziraphale not able or not willing to control himself. He spills into Hazel’s mouth, shouting unintelligible as he does. Crowley follows him right over, burying himself inside his angel with a groan, his second cock spilling over Hazel’s body.

The tension melts from both of them in an instant. Still, Crowley sets Aziraphale down gently, lets him fall into Hazel’s arms. As his body uncoils, she can see the impression it has made, red and blue, on Aziraphale’s body, especially around his throat. She shouldn’t find it as hot as she does. She welcomes the angel into her arms, who hugs her back, tired, but loving. He presses a kiss to her throat, which has her gasp.

“Do you want your reward for being so good for us?” he whispers into her ear, his voice rough and low. “Let me reward you, please.”

Hazel closes her eyes, momentarily overwhelmed as Crowley moves underneath her again, pressing into all the right places.

“Please,” she breathes, barely audible, clinging to him, feeling overheated herself.

“Of course, darling. Everything you want,” Aziraphale replies.

He lets her down gently, lying back, and just like that there’s a coil of snake behind her, on which she lies down like a bed, living, writhing muscles underneath her. Crowley’s head comes up behind her, stroking cheek against cheek, tongue tickling her lips. She smiles at him, but then her attention is on Aziraphale again. He’s kneeling on the floor in front of her, leaning over her, completely hard again.

“Frivolous miracles,” she says, laughing.

“I don’t hear you complaining,” Aziraphale says with a smirk and parts her legs by pushing her knees apart.

He pushes himself in with one sure stroke, Hazel already dripping in anticipation. She groans when he’s seated, hands at her sides suddenly lost in the snake coils, pinned by gentle, but determined force. She breathes faster already, and Aziraphale hasn’t even started moving, but then he does. It takes her breath away in a whole different way. The drag is delicious and hits something deep in her that has itched since she’s laid eyes on him that day.

“Zira…” she moans, having picked up that nickname from Crowley. “Yess…”

He pushes leisurely into her, hitting all the right places, his hands on her hips, thumbs caressing her overheated skin. Their eyes are locked and he looks down at her with nothing less than an angelic smile on his lips. The snake body underneath her pushes Hazel up into Aziraphale’s thrusts, Crowley’s head buried in the crook of her neck, long tongue flitting over her nipples.

“Kiss me,” she demands and the angel complies with a sigh.

Locked between the two supernatural beings, Hazel is rocking higher and higher until she feels her orgasm building, her breaths coming shorter. She drags her hands out of Crowley’s embrace to wrap them around the angel. Aziraphale kisses her again, pushing in just a bit harder.

When she comes, it isn’t explosive. It’s a warm feeling that spreads through her body in waves, making her shiver and whimper. The way Aziraphale smiles against her mouth is almost as good. She clings to him as she comes down, gasping for breath.

“May I?” the angel asks.

“Yes. Use me,” she replies.

And he does. It doesn’t take long for him to follow her over, and he’s beautiful as he does. Eyes screwed shut in pleasure, his laughter lines standing out. He seems to be glowing from the inside out, and as he comes, his wings burst out like they so often do, and he moans his enjoyment loudly.

Behind her, she feels the snake body shrinking until she lies in Crowley’s very human arms. He gives her a crooked smile and they share a gentle kiss that speaks of the love she had expected from Aziraphale, but never from the demon. It’s unexpected, warm and absolutely lovely. They turn their head when the angel sighs deeply.

“I want to bathe in your feelings,” he murmurs. “Won’t you come to bed, hold me between you?”

“It’s not even 4pm,” Hazel replies.

“Time has no meaning,” Crowley counters. He moves his hand and Hazel is temporarily disoriented as she always is when they do that. All three plopp onto the bed in Crowley’s bedroom. “Don’t complain. My bed’s bigger and the air is cooler.”

Aziraphale happily snuggles into the space between them, first giving Hazel, then Crowley a kiss.

“Why would I complain?”

“Cheeky,” Crowley hisses. “Thank you for your help. Both of you.”

“My pleasure,” Hazel answers. “Literally.”

**Author's Note:**

> idk if this is good but i wanted it to be done so here it is


End file.
